from the suicide attempt survivor's journal:
I used to be a loner since forever. A loner and an
introvert. I had nothing against being a somehow functional member of the
society and, surprisingly, I was part of various groups, sometimes antagonist
groups of people. Sometimes I even had people belonging to different groups get
together on social occasions and then enjoyed to discussions arisen from the
individuals’ discrepancies brought to the surface especially by alcohol. I
could always navigate graciously the meanders of social interaction, but never
felt that I belonged. Not to any group, not a specific place, not to anyone.
Since I was in my teens, I had this recurring dream,
probably like many others: I used walk in a green field or a forest, with no
apparent purpose, simply enjoying the scenery and most of the time I met a
‘her’. We would talk and she would clad me with a feeling of security and she
would speak my language in a soothing tone. She would simply understand and
complete me, and I would be able to share pieces of the real me, let the veils
fall, and grow the intimacy of late night hour chats, heart to heart, soul to
soul. In my dreams, ‘she’ actually never spoke and more importantly, I never
